The Deceptive Mind - Chapter 12

THE DECEPTIVE MIND

CHAPTER 12

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

An early morning the phone rang and I had to pick up the call and it was Prakriti.

“Hi Sweetie, Whats up”

“Civa, this is serious. The principal’s office has asked me to summon you and your parents for a meet. They want to discuss about your attendance and progress at the college. Be at the college today at 11 AM along with your folks” beep went the phone.

I was dumbfounded at her treatment and the news was scary enough to get the sweat out of me. I felt so shattered and helpless that I wanted to run away from that place. The humiliation and guilt stricken future of mine was flashing on my mind and the fear of being held contemptible was demeaning. I said to myself Have some courage and everything will be alright.

I went to check my dad’s mood and stepped into his room. There I saw he was yelling at my mom for burning the pancakes and making it too crispy. He had it in his hand and held it against my mom’s face and was showing the dark portion of it where it was burnt badly. It was not the condition of the pancake rather it was the negligence he was pointing at. I think my mom had it enough and couldn’t take more of his tantrums so she turned around in haste and brushed me aside and went into the kitchen and later I heard slamming of the kitchen door. I looked into my dad’s eyes with my cheeks red and legs shivering.

“What do you want?”

 That was it. My heart skipped a beat and I said nothing and ran away. While coming out of the room I peeped into my Grandpa’s. He was organizing his medicines into the shelves. He had segregated painkillers, laxatives, anti-biotic and sedatives and neatly marked them on the containers and was so happy to see the heap of them which will last for another six months. Beat the iron when it’s hot,

“Grandpa these sedatives are really good ones in the market, they give such a sound sleep that even if you sleep next to a monster truck you won’t wake up”

“Really” popped out his eyes

“You bet, by the way before you go into a deep slumber are you free to come with me to my college”

“Is it? But why?”

“Well, my principal wants to meet the parents but you know dad is not in his mood as usual mom messed up the cooking, so I thought if you could be there for half an hour. They will just tell you how the management is trying to improve facilities and new teachers and about games that they have introduced. Basically a marketing stunt”

“Oh! Your dad, he is so nagging. Well, that is the way he is after all he is my son. What did you say about those sedatives, say again”

“Pa, please pay some attention to my college visit and tell me are you coming or not”

“Same as dad, you frown when in anger, same as dad. Be ready at 10 and we will go”

I sprang out of that room and got ready and when I came downstairs I saw my dad making truce with my mom and was explaining how burnt food becomes carcinogenic and causes cancer. My mom too was sober and the storm got settled with some humor. Before they could notice that we were going out, we stepped out and took a taxi.  

The Principal’s office was one section in our college where no student dared to loiter around. Everyone including teachers and administrative staff were scared of her. She was known for her strict policies and adherence to them.  

Everyone was staring at me and my grandfather when we stepped into the college. They knew the reason of any parent to be present in the college. Either the pupil will get a strong warning or will be driven away forever. All the corridors and the walkways were filled with my seniors and juniors alike who have gathered to see what could befall on me during the parents meet.

“Looks like you are famous here, you seems to inspire them” said my grandpa

Indeed, in other way, I thought

The office boy asked us to wait outside the Office and went in to seek permission to let us in. He came out and said they have been waiting for us. My grandpa and I stepped into her chamber. Her room was designed with a classic outlook. The entire furniture and shelves were made of Mahogany teak and were thoroughly polished and kept tidy. There were books, books and books everywhere and even smelt like an old pile of books.

She was seated on a big revolving chair behind a large table with pen stand and a file with my name on it. Beside her on a small chair was Prakriti looking very serious and morose.  After exchanging all the civilities with my grandfather, Mrs.Gabriel(our Principal) looking through her spectacles said to my grandpa “Have you seen his grades and progress report, sir?”

“No, is there anything to worry maam?”

“Worry! Huh! Sir, he has failed is all the subjects and his attendance is dismal and I am afraid I might have to detain him in the same class and make him repeat a year”

It took time for my grandpa to comprehend the reason for the meeting. He was bit upset and sincerely apologized to Mrs.Gabriel and promised to pay attention in my academics. I never saw him so composed yet I knew he was ripped off with rude shock that he got at the college. He didn’t speak to me and left to our home in a taxi. I was standing there at the exit gate and to add some salt to the wound the whole college was gathered to enjoy my humiliation.

Prakriti went into the staff room and I followed her to seek more information.

“Were you aware of all this when you called me?”

“Yes”

“Then why didn’t you warn me. I could have saved a lot of shame”

“Shame!  The disgrace you have got upon you cannot be unnoticed and does it matter to you anyway. You are not the earlier Civa anymore”

“You look upset, should we go out and talk”

“It’s over, it’s all over Civa, and I can’t be with someone who takes his life-like a game at the casino. You may leave me and this place now”

My heart shattered and head sunk that was one of my worst days of my life. My head was heavy and I was walking aimlessly on the streets and my hands involuntarily rubbed my eyes and later I saw they were wet and I was crying.

The Deceptive Mind - Chapter 11

THE DECEPTIVE MIND

CHAPTER 11

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

I knew it was her. I could make out the voice of Gina since I have been used to hers from so many years. Her anxiety makes her stand apart from the crowd; she is so used to repeatedly say Hello until someone speaks up. Though I didn’t intentionally give a pause on the phone but somehow I was unable to speak. Probably because of the beer, but I took a deep breath and without any fret I said “Hi Sweetie”

Before I could hear her response, Vino snatched the receiver from me and was so furious and upset for what I had done.

“I told you to stay away from them or else you will jeopardize the situation. Look at you, you are drunk and your senses are half asleep, what will you talk to them except to prove yourself to be a clown. You only degrade yourself by doing this. “

When I recovered my senses he had finished delivering his warning and the phone was already hung. Although I respected his solicitation I wasn’t happy for what he had been driving me to.  

“Don’t think too hard man, it’s just a phone call and it is not like I am giving away my life as freebies.”

“Bro, I want you to win but for that you have to mend your ways and trust me it will not work the way you think”

This simple yet powerful assurance made a deep impact in me and I resolved to stay away from my sweetie for some time.

My overall experience of having beer for the first time was mostly exciting but I felt I missed a good company while drinking as Vino gets into an isolated mood and a relapse of energy. Drinking was an exception that I wanted to have it with Mohan, Suresh, Kiran and Lucky instead of Vino.

Vino dropped me at the college and left for the day. Being fearful of getting caught I avoided going home and took a walk to our community park that was few lanes away from my house. It was already dark and there were only couple of evening walkers and the seats were all empty. As it had rained in the evening the ground was wet and seats empty; the place was faintly lit by few street lights. The place looked different under the influence of alcohol.  The ground was like a meadow and tall trees stood like a big wall with a world hidden behind them. As if something wonderful was on the other side of those large trees waiting for me to discover. The colorful blooms in the garden and their fragrance were mesmerizing. The flowers were wet with droplets and were fresh and tender. While I was engrossed in the place I heard a voice from behind

“Civa, why are you putting your cheeks to those flowers? They make you itch. Are you okay?”

“Gina!”

“Yes Civa!, are you okay? You called me this evening but didn’t speak and now you are in this stupid place in some stupid position. Is anything wrong? Did you get your grades? Are your folks getting cranky about it?”

“You are so concerned Gina, that’s why I keep coming to you”

 “That is fine but is there anything wrong, you look so pale, tell me or I will go and tell your grandpa”

Women always find pleasure to feign some trouble on us and amuse when we get really scared. The best way to avoid any question is to start flattery of them and it works most of the times.

“Gina you look gorgeous today, is there anything special?”

“Oh yeah I had been on a date with one of your college guys”

My face was red especially my ears change the color in no time and make my emotions conspicuous. It could be jealousy or disappointment that brought me into that situation. I had always been bold in executing my ideas and taking risks in getting things done but I couldn’t comprehend why laxity and over confidence had crept in me in Gina’s case. But what the heck I was worried about, how paradoxical that I never tried for her and was going after Prakriti yet upset about her dating with someone else. It was not greed after all and there must a strong reason for my fears.  Deep down my heart I wanted to be with both of them but I knew that I had to let go of one but not just yet and not sure which one.

Gina was next to me glowing under the street light with her shiny cheeks blushing and a smile with her lips stretched from ear to ear. She was a full-grown lady but just short of being buxom. She was wearing a T with a glittering fairy printed on it and hugging her body but not too tight.  A long white skirt was wrapped around her and for the first time I felt she wasn’t looking like a college kid anymore. If she was in a business suit then she must have looked like a working woman. Girls! They grow so fast and men look like boys during the transition period.

She gave me an elbow push and said “I was just joking but why are you so serious?”

As always a nonchalant, teasing and naive girl never shedding her character took me by surprise with her taunt. My expression changed instantly from a simple smile to blush. I looked closely and saw her eyes glittering by the light falling on her. Without a word I spread my hands around her waist and pulled her closer while deeply gazing her eyes and hugged her. In spite of my outburst of my emotions I tried to be gentle and didn’t crush her.  She was in no less ecstasy as she had wrapped her hand around me and held me tight. I brushed my lips on her neck and slowly rolled them over hers. It was such a passionate kiss and she was equally endearing and yearning like I was. Those lovely moments lasted for God knows how many minutes but we came out of that bliss gradually.

I saw in her eyes a reverence for me and an admiration born out of a long-lasting acquaintance. I reached a point where I was deeply sunk into a passionate relationship with both the women and an idea of separation with anyone made me intolerable. It had also become that I should safely guard three relations from being known to each other, the third being Vino. Although I respected Vino’s advice it wasn’t practical for me to follow. So if I had to keep everyone happy the best I could do was to keep everyone separated and live three different lives. It is not fun to camouflage our identity always and it is about time for the mask to fall off and people know my true identity. Till then I shall continue my journey along with the drift. 

The Deceptive Mind - Chapter 10

The Deceptive Mind

Chapter 10

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

Life had given me what I had asked for, good friends, Prakriti and college with sporadic attendance. I was contended with what I had until I met Vino. I haven’t spoken about him earlier because he was not related to any group that I had mentioned before. Vino was from another college who used to be a regular visitor at the game parlor. He was a sharp shooter and his determination to win fascinated me. He had the courage to break the norms of the society and was bold enough to try new things. There was a pride in his countenance and had not spared anyone with his bully. I noticed that generally he was avoided by many and he hardly had any close friends.

One day when I was running short of money to play another game and the guy at the store refused to give credit; Vino thumped the money on the desk and asked him to allow me to play as long as I wanted to. There sprung a reverence on him and I felt I owe a gratitude that can only repaid with a warm and friendly relationship. Our acquaintance grew stronger by time and he had been an influential person in most of the important decisions of my life.

There was nothing I didn’t share with him and he knew all about Gina and Prakriti. It amused me to know his philosophy on so many aspects of life. He often used to take me to movies or events in the town and utilized the time in imparting his knowledge and experience.

“Opportunists” he said when we were taking a walk on the lakefront on one fine evening.

“Women are opportunists, there is no guarantee that any of the two will be with you. I can prove it. Go tell Prakriti that you are not interested in studying and aspire to set up your business and tell Gina that you don’t like going abroad and want to find a job in your hometown. I bet you will not have much time before you will realize they had left you for good.”

“But is it not good to have formal education and follow the advice of Prakriti and my grandpa?”

“Look, this world is full of clichés and norms. There is no particular way to lead a successful life. People try to emulate the famous and assume it works in one way but nobody is sure. You are a smart guy and don’t just fall for the usual stuff”

This was really inspirational and it filled with energy that I wanted to achieve something more and different and at the same time it pinched me that neither of my girls would be loyal to me. I started neglecting my regular studies which was already having a measly attention. Vino had spread completely in my life and I was drifting away from my friends and most of the time I was found with him in either game parlor or some entertainment hangouts. I couldn’t even cater time to meet Prakriti as he discouraged the practice of giving a regular attendance because it makes her more demanding and allow her to dictate me. Important decisions were taken with his advice and wisdom. He used to think out of the box or at least different from my folks.

One day he made me sit in his car and said we were going for a drive. I was excited and wanted to see the places that he likes and why. After we left the town he said whether I had complete faith and acceptance on him. I affirmed it and said he need not doubt my feelings. Then he asked me if I ever felt I owe him money as he had been spending on me all the time. I agreed that I had been guilty about it and I couldn’t help much as I didn’t get enough pocket-money and I assured him that we will try to reduce our frequent outings and avoid a lavish life. For which he reacted sharply saying he never meant that I repay the money or I should feel guilty about it. But he stressed that I should be more loyal to him as he had done all that only because he trusted me more than anyone ele. After we both expressed our commitment for each other he asked me what I thought was the plan of the day. I said we might drive till the foot of the hill and stop at the creek and come back. He laughed at it and said it was going to be much more adventurous than that if I had the spirit in me. I sprung up and said I am always game for new things. After the assurance he reveled that we will be tasting beer for the first time of our life.

Though I was scared initially, I thought I will still try. Drinking was a sin in those days and people were discriminated based on the habits. They were profiled as careless and rude with no respect for the society. And at my age it was even worse as parental restrictions were smacked on me.

I held the bottle high and with gusto I just took my first sip. Initially it tasted like rotten tomato juice but slowly it had its affect and mellowed to a fine liquid. Later it became so nice that I sent down my throat few bottles of them. I grew tipsy and I think Vino too was in a same situation, he didn’t speak much and looked as if he was doing all this to recollect his past and pit on it and grind it under his teeth. I didn’t disturb him much when he was staring at the creek and talking to himself and even heard he was cursing someone about his present being.

It occurred to me that I wanted to call Gina and talk to her. I didn’t know why it was her and not the teacher. I picked up a new bottle and was so pensive that I forgot to complete it. I knew it was a strong urge to call her and just talk to her. May be I liked the naïve attitude in her which I lacked and whatever innocence had in me was crushed by the drinking adventure. She will certainly elate me in whatever mood I am and I can be true to myself with her. She had never criticized me of any of my deeds rather had revered me like an impeccable gentleman.

There was pay phone around the corner in a small store which had cigarettes and coke. The store keeper was an old man with all wrinkles on his face and eyes drawn in the socket and looked strained with years of misery. I went in and was trying to speak to him but for some reason words were not coming out of me. I was moving my lips and opening my mouth but no sound. It looked as if I was chewing some pizza dough. The store keeper grew impatient and screamed at me if I had been drunk. Indeed I was and still trying to compose myself. I shook my head couple of times and brought my senses under control as far enough as I could convey him if I could use the pay phone. He waved his hand in the direction of the door as if he was shooing a dog away. Then I realized that the pay phone was hung outside and he was just guiding me towards that.

I made some distorted steps and reached the phone and took a 10 rupees bill and tried inserting it into the coin slot. The inlet was not wide enough so I rolled it up like a cigarette and tried inserting it again. This time roll became bigger and refused to go in so I decided to fold it couple of times and shove in the machine. All the while the old man was standing next to me with his hands folded and watching me in despair and was short of an outburst for what I was doing. He then snatched the bill from my hand and took out a 1 rupee coin and held it near my eye and made me look at it. He was holding it so close and high that it looked as if that coin had a magic power to connect the phone to Gina. I gave a smile to him and held that coin high above my head and saw if it had any mystical power. Except few scratches I didn’t notice anything special on it. So I turned towards the phone and dropped the coin in it and dialed Gina’s number.

The phone rang for couple of times and I heard a Hello on the other line.

The Deceptive Mind - Chapter 9

The Deceptive Mind

Chapter 9

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

I dropped Gina at her place and despite of her inquiries I gave a deaf ear and left her confused and worried. At home I didn’t go upstairs but slept in my grandpa’s room and listened to his rant for a while before I slipped into a deep slumber. Next day I was woken up by my mom as Gina was on the phone line. I was so ashamed to talk to her for what had happened the last night. Nevertheless, I had to pick up the phone and with my voice trembling and feeble I said “Hi Gina”.

 I heard her in a composed and relaxed tone saying “Hey Civa! You were very nervous last night and maybe it was too early for us. I can understand and we shall continue to be good friends. I will see ya later” and hung up.

 Frankly, it was a relief that she assumed me to be beginner in such matters as she wasn’t aware that I have had many such encounters before. Being known as an ignorant is far prestigious than branded as a coward. Whatever she thinks about me doesn’t hide the fact that I was afraid of some unknown danger last night. Was that a ghost or did my senses fail to perceive the circumstances. In these matters I had faith that my friend Aron can bring some light on it. Aron had not only sleuth complexity but also the habit of visiting haunted places just for the kick. So I called up Aron and asked him to meet me at the biology lab in half an hour. I reached the place and found him waiting for me.

 Without any delay I narrated all that I saw last night but I fell short of mentioning that I was with Gina. Aron probed me with so many descriptive questions about the incident and I told him everything except Gina’s presence in the car. Based on my statements he concluded that the place was dark enough and some youngsters were using that area to consume weed and other sorts of drugs. And he advised me to stay away from such areas to avoid falling in trouble. Though it was a respite that I didn’t see a ghost but it was scary that I brushed closely enough with anti-social elements. Even now when I write this story I feel nervous to imagine what could have happened if Gina and I were discovered in the car. 

I vowed that I will not venture into such dangerous places and put myself and any other lady in trouble again. I bid goodbye to Aron and started walking to my class and an inexplicable feeling arose in me as my mind was wandering in Prakriti’s car. I think such a wonderful moment was not cherished as it should have been. I was overwhelmed with so much of events that I could not value it and give its due time. I was ecstatic when I think of it again and again. The feeling was so great and didn’t want to put a leash on my mind and deprive it of the freedom of imagination. I imagined as what could have happened if I stayed longer in the car with her. What if it was not a car? And what if she wasn’t really our teacher?

It always occurs to me that such happy moments are fraught with suspicion. She never instills confidence in me to dream of a future where we would be together. I was in doubts whether she was looking for a relationship or if it was an act of an impulsive urge. I have had such affairs before and all indicate a cause of concern. It had become customary to put my heart as a pawn for a fantasy that always fades away over time. It was not that I never wanted to venture into deep waters but I wanted to tread cautiously.

Being pensive I reached my class too early because of my appointment with Aron, I went to the last row and took a seat to wait for the rest to come. To my surprise the first class was of Computers and Prakrit has a habit of coming to the class early to set things up before starting her lecture. So there she walked in and placed her purse on the table saw me and then she became busy in setting up the computer. I was watching her work attentively and she was arranging things meticulously. She became engrossed in her work as she tries to be a perfectionist to avoid any mishaps during her presentations. Meanwhile I went to her and leant and was staring at the computer screen, she too stared at it as she felt there was something wrong in it. I was so close to her that my shoulders were brushing hers. I held her fingers in my hand and gave a gentle squeeze to see her reaction. She just smiled and freed her hand but tapped my foot with hers. It was funny so I took her hand again and she repeated what she did before. I liked it because probably that was for the first time I saw her to be at ease and really romantic. She had shed her authoritative expression and looked lovely and soft.

With a quick glance I saw that the corridor was empty so I put my arms around her soft waist pulled closer and kissed her tender lips. It was so quick that before should could realize I was done and walked away from her. That act made us to embark on a romantic relationship and it wiped off all the mental barriers and apprehensions between us. Courage had paid off.

In my experience a safe bet is on a woman of higher intelligence and lesser beauty than otherwise. As they nag less and display the courage to be adventurous and whether the storm. It is everyman’s dream to show his partner the world with his perspective but it will be even more enticing if the world unravels as an outlook from a woman. And that revelation can only be done by a matured and composed woman like Prakriti. My moment with her shall always be special and intriguing.

Few weeks passed and silence between Gina and I continued; at college I had few lonely encounters with Prakriti. Since she kept my mind busy I didn’t attempt to think of Gina but I am certain that I will bump into her anytime soon as life is short and so is our neighborhood. She will surely evoke those buried passions in me and my mind falls prey for the deception called Beauty.