The Deceptive Mind - Chapter 12

THE DECEPTIVE MIND

CHAPTER 12

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

An early morning the phone rang and I had to pick up the call and it was Prakriti.

“Hi Sweetie, Whats up”

“Civa, this is serious. The principal’s office has asked me to summon you and your parents for a meet. They want to discuss about your attendance and progress at the college. Be at the college today at 11 AM along with your folks” beep went the phone.

I was dumbfounded at her treatment and the news was scary enough to get the sweat out of me. I felt so shattered and helpless that I wanted to run away from that place. The humiliation and guilt stricken future of mine was flashing on my mind and the fear of being held contemptible was demeaning. I said to myself Have some courage and everything will be alright.

I went to check my dad’s mood and stepped into his room. There I saw he was yelling at my mom for burning the pancakes and making it too crispy. He had it in his hand and held it against my mom’s face and was showing the dark portion of it where it was burnt badly. It was not the condition of the pancake rather it was the negligence he was pointing at. I think my mom had it enough and couldn’t take more of his tantrums so she turned around in haste and brushed me aside and went into the kitchen and later I heard slamming of the kitchen door. I looked into my dad’s eyes with my cheeks red and legs shivering.

“What do you want?”

 That was it. My heart skipped a beat and I said nothing and ran away. While coming out of the room I peeped into my Grandpa’s. He was organizing his medicines into the shelves. He had segregated painkillers, laxatives, anti-biotic and sedatives and neatly marked them on the containers and was so happy to see the heap of them which will last for another six months. Beat the iron when it’s hot,

“Grandpa these sedatives are really good ones in the market, they give such a sound sleep that even if you sleep next to a monster truck you won’t wake up”

“Really” popped out his eyes

“You bet, by the way before you go into a deep slumber are you free to come with me to my college”

“Is it? But why?”

“Well, my principal wants to meet the parents but you know dad is not in his mood as usual mom messed up the cooking, so I thought if you could be there for half an hour. They will just tell you how the management is trying to improve facilities and new teachers and about games that they have introduced. Basically a marketing stunt”

“Oh! Your dad, he is so nagging. Well, that is the way he is after all he is my son. What did you say about those sedatives, say again”

“Pa, please pay some attention to my college visit and tell me are you coming or not”

“Same as dad, you frown when in anger, same as dad. Be ready at 10 and we will go”

I sprang out of that room and got ready and when I came downstairs I saw my dad making truce with my mom and was explaining how burnt food becomes carcinogenic and causes cancer. My mom too was sober and the storm got settled with some humor. Before they could notice that we were going out, we stepped out and took a taxi.  

The Principal’s office was one section in our college where no student dared to loiter around. Everyone including teachers and administrative staff were scared of her. She was known for her strict policies and adherence to them.  

Everyone was staring at me and my grandfather when we stepped into the college. They knew the reason of any parent to be present in the college. Either the pupil will get a strong warning or will be driven away forever. All the corridors and the walkways were filled with my seniors and juniors alike who have gathered to see what could befall on me during the parents meet.

“Looks like you are famous here, you seems to inspire them” said my grandpa

Indeed, in other way, I thought

The office boy asked us to wait outside the Office and went in to seek permission to let us in. He came out and said they have been waiting for us. My grandpa and I stepped into her chamber. Her room was designed with a classic outlook. The entire furniture and shelves were made of Mahogany teak and were thoroughly polished and kept tidy. There were books, books and books everywhere and even smelt like an old pile of books.

She was seated on a big revolving chair behind a large table with pen stand and a file with my name on it. Beside her on a small chair was Prakriti looking very serious and morose.  After exchanging all the civilities with my grandfather, Mrs.Gabriel(our Principal) looking through her spectacles said to my grandpa “Have you seen his grades and progress report, sir?”

“No, is there anything to worry maam?”

“Worry! Huh! Sir, he has failed is all the subjects and his attendance is dismal and I am afraid I might have to detain him in the same class and make him repeat a year”

It took time for my grandpa to comprehend the reason for the meeting. He was bit upset and sincerely apologized to Mrs.Gabriel and promised to pay attention in my academics. I never saw him so composed yet I knew he was ripped off with rude shock that he got at the college. He didn’t speak to me and left to our home in a taxi. I was standing there at the exit gate and to add some salt to the wound the whole college was gathered to enjoy my humiliation.

Prakriti went into the staff room and I followed her to seek more information.

“Were you aware of all this when you called me?”

“Yes”

“Then why didn’t you warn me. I could have saved a lot of shame”

“Shame!  The disgrace you have got upon you cannot be unnoticed and does it matter to you anyway. You are not the earlier Civa anymore”

“You look upset, should we go out and talk”

“It’s over, it’s all over Civa, and I can’t be with someone who takes his life-like a game at the casino. You may leave me and this place now”

My heart shattered and head sunk that was one of my worst days of my life. My head was heavy and I was walking aimlessly on the streets and my hands involuntarily rubbed my eyes and later I saw they were wet and I was crying.

The Deceptive Mind - Chapter 11

THE DECEPTIVE MIND

CHAPTER 11

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

I knew it was her. I could make out the voice of Gina since I have been used to hers from so many years. Her anxiety makes her stand apart from the crowd; she is so used to repeatedly say Hello until someone speaks up. Though I didn’t intentionally give a pause on the phone but somehow I was unable to speak. Probably because of the beer, but I took a deep breath and without any fret I said “Hi Sweetie”

Before I could hear her response, Vino snatched the receiver from me and was so furious and upset for what I had done.

“I told you to stay away from them or else you will jeopardize the situation. Look at you, you are drunk and your senses are half asleep, what will you talk to them except to prove yourself to be a clown. You only degrade yourself by doing this. “

When I recovered my senses he had finished delivering his warning and the phone was already hung. Although I respected his solicitation I wasn’t happy for what he had been driving me to.  

“Don’t think too hard man, it’s just a phone call and it is not like I am giving away my life as freebies.”

“Bro, I want you to win but for that you have to mend your ways and trust me it will not work the way you think”

This simple yet powerful assurance made a deep impact in me and I resolved to stay away from my sweetie for some time.

My overall experience of having beer for the first time was mostly exciting but I felt I missed a good company while drinking as Vino gets into an isolated mood and a relapse of energy. Drinking was an exception that I wanted to have it with Mohan, Suresh, Kiran and Lucky instead of Vino.

Vino dropped me at the college and left for the day. Being fearful of getting caught I avoided going home and took a walk to our community park that was few lanes away from my house. It was already dark and there were only couple of evening walkers and the seats were all empty. As it had rained in the evening the ground was wet and seats empty; the place was faintly lit by few street lights. The place looked different under the influence of alcohol.  The ground was like a meadow and tall trees stood like a big wall with a world hidden behind them. As if something wonderful was on the other side of those large trees waiting for me to discover. The colorful blooms in the garden and their fragrance were mesmerizing. The flowers were wet with droplets and were fresh and tender. While I was engrossed in the place I heard a voice from behind

“Civa, why are you putting your cheeks to those flowers? They make you itch. Are you okay?”

“Gina!”

“Yes Civa!, are you okay? You called me this evening but didn’t speak and now you are in this stupid place in some stupid position. Is anything wrong? Did you get your grades? Are your folks getting cranky about it?”

“You are so concerned Gina, that’s why I keep coming to you”

 “That is fine but is there anything wrong, you look so pale, tell me or I will go and tell your grandpa”

Women always find pleasure to feign some trouble on us and amuse when we get really scared. The best way to avoid any question is to start flattery of them and it works most of the times.

“Gina you look gorgeous today, is there anything special?”

“Oh yeah I had been on a date with one of your college guys”

My face was red especially my ears change the color in no time and make my emotions conspicuous. It could be jealousy or disappointment that brought me into that situation. I had always been bold in executing my ideas and taking risks in getting things done but I couldn’t comprehend why laxity and over confidence had crept in me in Gina’s case. But what the heck I was worried about, how paradoxical that I never tried for her and was going after Prakriti yet upset about her dating with someone else. It was not greed after all and there must a strong reason for my fears.  Deep down my heart I wanted to be with both of them but I knew that I had to let go of one but not just yet and not sure which one.

Gina was next to me glowing under the street light with her shiny cheeks blushing and a smile with her lips stretched from ear to ear. She was a full-grown lady but just short of being buxom. She was wearing a T with a glittering fairy printed on it and hugging her body but not too tight.  A long white skirt was wrapped around her and for the first time I felt she wasn’t looking like a college kid anymore. If she was in a business suit then she must have looked like a working woman. Girls! They grow so fast and men look like boys during the transition period.

She gave me an elbow push and said “I was just joking but why are you so serious?”

As always a nonchalant, teasing and naive girl never shedding her character took me by surprise with her taunt. My expression changed instantly from a simple smile to blush. I looked closely and saw her eyes glittering by the light falling on her. Without a word I spread my hands around her waist and pulled her closer while deeply gazing her eyes and hugged her. In spite of my outburst of my emotions I tried to be gentle and didn’t crush her.  She was in no less ecstasy as she had wrapped her hand around me and held me tight. I brushed my lips on her neck and slowly rolled them over hers. It was such a passionate kiss and she was equally endearing and yearning like I was. Those lovely moments lasted for God knows how many minutes but we came out of that bliss gradually.

I saw in her eyes a reverence for me and an admiration born out of a long-lasting acquaintance. I reached a point where I was deeply sunk into a passionate relationship with both the women and an idea of separation with anyone made me intolerable. It had also become that I should safely guard three relations from being known to each other, the third being Vino. Although I respected Vino’s advice it wasn’t practical for me to follow. So if I had to keep everyone happy the best I could do was to keep everyone separated and live three different lives. It is not fun to camouflage our identity always and it is about time for the mask to fall off and people know my true identity. Till then I shall continue my journey along with the drift. 

The Deceptive Mind - Chapter 10

The Deceptive Mind

Chapter 10

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

Life had given me what I had asked for, good friends, Prakriti and college with sporadic attendance. I was contended with what I had until I met Vino. I haven’t spoken about him earlier because he was not related to any group that I had mentioned before. Vino was from another college who used to be a regular visitor at the game parlor. He was a sharp shooter and his determination to win fascinated me. He had the courage to break the norms of the society and was bold enough to try new things. There was a pride in his countenance and had not spared anyone with his bully. I noticed that generally he was avoided by many and he hardly had any close friends.

One day when I was running short of money to play another game and the guy at the store refused to give credit; Vino thumped the money on the desk and asked him to allow me to play as long as I wanted to. There sprung a reverence on him and I felt I owe a gratitude that can only repaid with a warm and friendly relationship. Our acquaintance grew stronger by time and he had been an influential person in most of the important decisions of my life.

There was nothing I didn’t share with him and he knew all about Gina and Prakriti. It amused me to know his philosophy on so many aspects of life. He often used to take me to movies or events in the town and utilized the time in imparting his knowledge and experience.

“Opportunists” he said when we were taking a walk on the lakefront on one fine evening.

“Women are opportunists, there is no guarantee that any of the two will be with you. I can prove it. Go tell Prakriti that you are not interested in studying and aspire to set up your business and tell Gina that you don’t like going abroad and want to find a job in your hometown. I bet you will not have much time before you will realize they had left you for good.”

“But is it not good to have formal education and follow the advice of Prakriti and my grandpa?”

“Look, this world is full of clichés and norms. There is no particular way to lead a successful life. People try to emulate the famous and assume it works in one way but nobody is sure. You are a smart guy and don’t just fall for the usual stuff”

This was really inspirational and it filled with energy that I wanted to achieve something more and different and at the same time it pinched me that neither of my girls would be loyal to me. I started neglecting my regular studies which was already having a measly attention. Vino had spread completely in my life and I was drifting away from my friends and most of the time I was found with him in either game parlor or some entertainment hangouts. I couldn’t even cater time to meet Prakriti as he discouraged the practice of giving a regular attendance because it makes her more demanding and allow her to dictate me. Important decisions were taken with his advice and wisdom. He used to think out of the box or at least different from my folks.

One day he made me sit in his car and said we were going for a drive. I was excited and wanted to see the places that he likes and why. After we left the town he said whether I had complete faith and acceptance on him. I affirmed it and said he need not doubt my feelings. Then he asked me if I ever felt I owe him money as he had been spending on me all the time. I agreed that I had been guilty about it and I couldn’t help much as I didn’t get enough pocket-money and I assured him that we will try to reduce our frequent outings and avoid a lavish life. For which he reacted sharply saying he never meant that I repay the money or I should feel guilty about it. But he stressed that I should be more loyal to him as he had done all that only because he trusted me more than anyone ele. After we both expressed our commitment for each other he asked me what I thought was the plan of the day. I said we might drive till the foot of the hill and stop at the creek and come back. He laughed at it and said it was going to be much more adventurous than that if I had the spirit in me. I sprung up and said I am always game for new things. After the assurance he reveled that we will be tasting beer for the first time of our life.

Though I was scared initially, I thought I will still try. Drinking was a sin in those days and people were discriminated based on the habits. They were profiled as careless and rude with no respect for the society. And at my age it was even worse as parental restrictions were smacked on me.

I held the bottle high and with gusto I just took my first sip. Initially it tasted like rotten tomato juice but slowly it had its affect and mellowed to a fine liquid. Later it became so nice that I sent down my throat few bottles of them. I grew tipsy and I think Vino too was in a same situation, he didn’t speak much and looked as if he was doing all this to recollect his past and pit on it and grind it under his teeth. I didn’t disturb him much when he was staring at the creek and talking to himself and even heard he was cursing someone about his present being.

It occurred to me that I wanted to call Gina and talk to her. I didn’t know why it was her and not the teacher. I picked up a new bottle and was so pensive that I forgot to complete it. I knew it was a strong urge to call her and just talk to her. May be I liked the naïve attitude in her which I lacked and whatever innocence had in me was crushed by the drinking adventure. She will certainly elate me in whatever mood I am and I can be true to myself with her. She had never criticized me of any of my deeds rather had revered me like an impeccable gentleman.

There was pay phone around the corner in a small store which had cigarettes and coke. The store keeper was an old man with all wrinkles on his face and eyes drawn in the socket and looked strained with years of misery. I went in and was trying to speak to him but for some reason words were not coming out of me. I was moving my lips and opening my mouth but no sound. It looked as if I was chewing some pizza dough. The store keeper grew impatient and screamed at me if I had been drunk. Indeed I was and still trying to compose myself. I shook my head couple of times and brought my senses under control as far enough as I could convey him if I could use the pay phone. He waved his hand in the direction of the door as if he was shooing a dog away. Then I realized that the pay phone was hung outside and he was just guiding me towards that.

I made some distorted steps and reached the phone and took a 10 rupees bill and tried inserting it into the coin slot. The inlet was not wide enough so I rolled it up like a cigarette and tried inserting it again. This time roll became bigger and refused to go in so I decided to fold it couple of times and shove in the machine. All the while the old man was standing next to me with his hands folded and watching me in despair and was short of an outburst for what I was doing. He then snatched the bill from my hand and took out a 1 rupee coin and held it near my eye and made me look at it. He was holding it so close and high that it looked as if that coin had a magic power to connect the phone to Gina. I gave a smile to him and held that coin high above my head and saw if it had any mystical power. Except few scratches I didn’t notice anything special on it. So I turned towards the phone and dropped the coin in it and dialed Gina’s number.

The phone rang for couple of times and I heard a Hello on the other line.

The Deceptive Mind - Chapter 9

The Deceptive Mind

Chapter 9

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

I dropped Gina at her place and despite of her inquiries I gave a deaf ear and left her confused and worried. At home I didn’t go upstairs but slept in my grandpa’s room and listened to his rant for a while before I slipped into a deep slumber. Next day I was woken up by my mom as Gina was on the phone line. I was so ashamed to talk to her for what had happened the last night. Nevertheless, I had to pick up the phone and with my voice trembling and feeble I said “Hi Gina”.

 I heard her in a composed and relaxed tone saying “Hey Civa! You were very nervous last night and maybe it was too early for us. I can understand and we shall continue to be good friends. I will see ya later” and hung up.

 Frankly, it was a relief that she assumed me to be beginner in such matters as she wasn’t aware that I have had many such encounters before. Being known as an ignorant is far prestigious than branded as a coward. Whatever she thinks about me doesn’t hide the fact that I was afraid of some unknown danger last night. Was that a ghost or did my senses fail to perceive the circumstances. In these matters I had faith that my friend Aron can bring some light on it. Aron had not only sleuth complexity but also the habit of visiting haunted places just for the kick. So I called up Aron and asked him to meet me at the biology lab in half an hour. I reached the place and found him waiting for me.

 Without any delay I narrated all that I saw last night but I fell short of mentioning that I was with Gina. Aron probed me with so many descriptive questions about the incident and I told him everything except Gina’s presence in the car. Based on my statements he concluded that the place was dark enough and some youngsters were using that area to consume weed and other sorts of drugs. And he advised me to stay away from such areas to avoid falling in trouble. Though it was a respite that I didn’t see a ghost but it was scary that I brushed closely enough with anti-social elements. Even now when I write this story I feel nervous to imagine what could have happened if Gina and I were discovered in the car. 

I vowed that I will not venture into such dangerous places and put myself and any other lady in trouble again. I bid goodbye to Aron and started walking to my class and an inexplicable feeling arose in me as my mind was wandering in Prakriti’s car. I think such a wonderful moment was not cherished as it should have been. I was overwhelmed with so much of events that I could not value it and give its due time. I was ecstatic when I think of it again and again. The feeling was so great and didn’t want to put a leash on my mind and deprive it of the freedom of imagination. I imagined as what could have happened if I stayed longer in the car with her. What if it was not a car? And what if she wasn’t really our teacher?

It always occurs to me that such happy moments are fraught with suspicion. She never instills confidence in me to dream of a future where we would be together. I was in doubts whether she was looking for a relationship or if it was an act of an impulsive urge. I have had such affairs before and all indicate a cause of concern. It had become customary to put my heart as a pawn for a fantasy that always fades away over time. It was not that I never wanted to venture into deep waters but I wanted to tread cautiously.

Being pensive I reached my class too early because of my appointment with Aron, I went to the last row and took a seat to wait for the rest to come. To my surprise the first class was of Computers and Prakrit has a habit of coming to the class early to set things up before starting her lecture. So there she walked in and placed her purse on the table saw me and then she became busy in setting up the computer. I was watching her work attentively and she was arranging things meticulously. She became engrossed in her work as she tries to be a perfectionist to avoid any mishaps during her presentations. Meanwhile I went to her and leant and was staring at the computer screen, she too stared at it as she felt there was something wrong in it. I was so close to her that my shoulders were brushing hers. I held her fingers in my hand and gave a gentle squeeze to see her reaction. She just smiled and freed her hand but tapped my foot with hers. It was funny so I took her hand again and she repeated what she did before. I liked it because probably that was for the first time I saw her to be at ease and really romantic. She had shed her authoritative expression and looked lovely and soft.

With a quick glance I saw that the corridor was empty so I put my arms around her soft waist pulled closer and kissed her tender lips. It was so quick that before should could realize I was done and walked away from her. That act made us to embark on a romantic relationship and it wiped off all the mental barriers and apprehensions between us. Courage had paid off.

In my experience a safe bet is on a woman of higher intelligence and lesser beauty than otherwise. As they nag less and display the courage to be adventurous and whether the storm. It is everyman’s dream to show his partner the world with his perspective but it will be even more enticing if the world unravels as an outlook from a woman. And that revelation can only be done by a matured and composed woman like Prakriti. My moment with her shall always be special and intriguing.

Few weeks passed and silence between Gina and I continued; at college I had few lonely encounters with Prakriti. Since she kept my mind busy I didn’t attempt to think of Gina but I am certain that I will bump into her anytime soon as life is short and so is our neighborhood. She will surely evoke those buried passions in me and my mind falls prey for the deception called Beauty.

The Deceptive Mind - Chapter 8

The Deceptive Mind

Chapter 8

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

The moment I deciphered her message I was so excited and surprised at the turn of the fate and the overwhelming events that had taken place that evening. I wanted to meet Gina with alacrity and see what she was up to.  I dressed myself in haste and went downstairs and I was passing my grandpa’s room that heard him call me inside. That was the most disgusting time to pick me for his usual rant. All the excitement and anxiety can be just trashed with his invective and should there be any zest left then it shall be subdued by the stench of his medicines. And I was so unfortunate that my grandpa was given to look after my affairs at my college.

 I saw him lying on his bed and beside was my brother who was 8 years old then. He was my grandpa’s pet and was seen always around him asking for bedtime stories. I am sure he must have had lot of them to share as a 90-year-old with so many dead friends. My brother used to be lean and the doctor advised him to have Vitamin tonic twice daily. This job of administering him the tonic was given to my grandpa. Every day at the prescribed time he will come to my brother with a spoonful of the tonic which used to smell like a strong antibiotic dipped in mint and offer him to have it. More often than not my brother hated it and used to refuse with all this tantrums. After being fed up of pampering him to have the tonic, he used to go in his room and gulp it at once. Later it became a customary to offer my brother the tonic and my grandpa to have it. He drank 6 such bottles after which my father grew suspicious and stopped buying and brought us much-needed relief from that chemical.

So my brother was lying next to him getting ready for another story and the moment I entered into the room my grandpa started denouncing me. He made me listen to all that I missed the other day. He mentioned how I was careless in my studies and how Prakriti, as a benevolent teacher and a solicitor, took care of me. It looked as if he was seeking some assurance from me so I said I will dedicate myself for studies. But I think it really backfired and made him lose his cool and he was yelling at the top of his voice and was having spasms and looked epileptic. This scared my brother so much that he pointed his fingers to me and started crying in loud voice. The whole scene looked like I was a big culprit and the judge was delivering the quantum of punishment right in the courtyard. This time there was no respite and I had to endure that pain but I looked at my watch to see if there is still time to meet Gina.

“Busy sir? Are you busy to go and meet your friends? None of them look decent; they all seem to be some thugs or dacoits. Don’t you have good acquaintances sir? Gina is of your age, am I right sir?

“Yes grandpa”

“Then why the hell don’t you be with her and get some discipline, respect and integrity”

My eyes were wide opened and there was a huge smile on my face and I wanted to make the idea stronger with my support but then he interrupted “Go get my pain relief gel from the cupboard and come here”

I must have been the most ill-treated and misery worn grandson in this world and I was so pitiful for myself to do that service especially when I was expecting some romantic moments that night. Imagine the kind of smell my hands will have and how should I keep her away from the odor.

I took some gel on my hands and started applying on his calf muscle.

“Rub thoroughly, apply some pressure. Be on the calf, be on the calf muscle” he was frantically shouting with her fists held tight and having convulsions.

“Do you also need some vitamin tonic?” he said

“No” I screamed

He thought I was averse to its taste and withdrew the idea of giving me that syrup. My massage did give the effect and soothed all his senses and he said it was enough.

I took leave from the room and filled my hands with soap and washed them thoroughly. Though the smell didn’t go completely but I was satisfied that it will not make Gina upset. I saw my dad’s car parked as he had gone with his friend, so I took the car and headed for Gina’s house. 

Since I used to go to her house quiet often, her mom called Gina to come outside. I asked her if I could take Gina out for the local community hall where chess competition was going on. She agreed happily and more than that I saw Gina excited to get into the car. She did not spend much time in getting ready and was beside me in no time. She was wearing a casual dress and avoided all that gaudy stuff that women wear to boost up their appearance. Her plain clothes and minimal jewelry made her look awesome and I felt her that she was in the purest form of her beauty on that day. She was a dark beauty and had charming smile and eyes to complement them.

I moved out of her lane and took a turn towards the community hall then she said “I hope we are not really going to watch the chess competition”

I asked her to hold on and took her to the mall that was newly opened. You must be wondering what might happen if Prakriti was at that mall. Nah! No chance. I saw her car parked at her house and she never steps out after 8 PM.

The mall was all lit with flashy lights and was looking dazzling. The shops were all new and owners were welcoming the shoppers to step in and have a look at their collection. It was like Christmas evening with so many people filled in the mall and loud music playing from the speakers at all over the place. Gina looked engrossed in ambience and seemed to be lost but she turned to me and asked “Civa, do you prefer to grow your mustache or have a shaven face?” This question made me so uncomfortable and shy and nobody except my mom used to ask me such personal things. I was, for a moment, taken aback but I said I would prefer having a mustache. For which she giggled and said I would look very odd like a mustache drawn on a baby’s face. This made me so embarrassed and also reminded that I was just 15 then.

As you all are aware that I react the way I am treated but since it was a sensitive matter I had to be cautious so I asked her “Do you wear shorts at home?” For which she was cool and said she wears them only before going to bed and though she prefers to wear all the time but her mom was against the idea. Gina has a habit of portraying herself as an easy-going girl with no hard feelings. It will be very difficult to find out if she is doing it deliberately or innocently. There she just spread her skirt with her hands and asked me what I felt about it. I think it will never work for us as long she behaves as a naïve girl and some passions should be evoked with a reasonable stimulant. I decided to poke her heart, hence I said “Like always, gorgeous. This one makes even more charming as it hugs your body tight and shows all your curves. I think they are perfect”. Finally there was a pause in her expressions and slowly a chuckle slipped from her lips and I was confident that my words struck a chord in her.

It was that moment we all die for, the instant when you know your charm has worked. That sensuous experience even before anything has happened is much sweeter than the act itself. Men yearn to reach such intimacy but most of them face an early death with their ego, prejudice and haste. Women have always been in our reach but only for those who have patience and the skill to tap at the right time. May be I was born with this skill or just fortunate to be spontaneous.

I held her hands and took her to the parking lot and sat in my car. She was tensed and was anticipating something from me. I looked around to see if we were in the right place. The parking lot was all secluded and there were all big trees behind. When I turned around I saw some strange figure pass by which looked like a ghost clad in white gown and vanished in no time. I was scared and profusely sweating and it looked all the stories that my grandpa used to tell seemed real. I started the car at once and left that place with jerky movements. Gina was all puzzled and was even more scared when she saw me driving like a psycho that is running away from unknown danger. 

The Deceptive Mind - Chapter 7

The Deceptive Mind

Chapter 7

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

I couldn’t concentrate at the gaming center. I missed hitting the ball almost every time I played and was getting disinterested in their company. I took leave from the group citing health reasons and went to the lake front to spend some time alone. I was pensive and trying to contemplate all that happened with Gina and Prakriti.

It is so hard to understand a woman. She is such a wonderful creation of God but her world is entirely different. A man always sees her with the view of his experience and the character that he is made of. For anyone who has the tendency to fall for petty reasons will expect the world to behave similarly but hardly he knows that the society is full of complex elements that act on individuals and detract them from being simple. Emotion for a man is always at his plain sight and he reacts to it with a linear approach but for a woman her reactions to them depend on many factors like integrity, suspicion, reliability and long-term vision. There is nothing wrong in her but that makes her indecisive and too analytical which will hinder her from enjoying some of the best moments of life or in some cases getting into unworthy relationships that will break her heart for a long time.

My feelings towards Prakriti were so pure and passionate and I always felt I can make a world for her and make myself worth to live in it yet she never comes out of that reserved character. And Gina on the other hand has this naïve way of trusting everyone to try to test relationships and later mend them accordingly. This way she gives her heart a chance to get hurt by some of the worst people on earth. I wonder who could halt her from switching relations. . Her ambitious character gave her the courage to move along with people and probably to move on with break up as well. Sometimes it surprises me as to why didn’t she try me?

For a moment I wanted to quit trying both of them but they were the only sweethearts I knew in my life. No one has ever come so close to my heart like both of them. You might be wondering what happens to the other if I get one. I am not greedy to think that I will get both but if I was fortunate enough to get one then I will keep the other one close to heart but at an arm’s length.

If the world is according to our whims then our mind will never have bounds. As an ardent lover it is my duty to have perseverance in my trials but my circumstances show a dismal picture.  My words seem boring but this is a situation that every heartbroken has to go through. Oh! Why am I letting my mind wandering, for it chooses to hover around those angels than seek comfort?  Is this true love or has my mind been deceptive? Wars had been fought and wealth was set as pawn for this single feeling called love. Love is so deceptive that it turns your friends as foes and makes a timid into a ravaging bull. Before my thoughts could engulf me I stood up to see the setting sun. It looked as if the sun is taking down everything along with him and there is no hope for the next day. The phenomenon of Sun set brings cheers for some and a gloomy effect on others and I fall in the latter group.

Since nothing was inspiring I decided to go home and as I was walking past the parking lot a car stopped my way and I looked up and saw Prakriti in it. I was little embarrassed and shy to look at her for what had happened that morning so continued my walk but I heard she called me to sit in the car. Probably it was the student instinct to obey the master I just opened the door and sat in the car but my head hanging low and was looking at my shoes. By the way I had bought them a week ago and the cushion wasn’t like what the store keeper said. Sorry, let us see what happened there. She was so calm while driving and in fact her body language showed she had something strong in her mind. She looked as if she had something to tell and it was just a matter of moments to come by.

“Keep talking, I like when you yap” she said

Do women take advantage when men feel insecure? Does that give them a pleasure to find them in dominance when men succumb? But do I have a choice? I am like a sandwich between a strict teacher and my emotions. So I spoke.

“Well, sorry for disappointing you but I will complete all my assignments and will clear the tests too in this coming session”

“Sshh, not that crap, I am not at the college, tell me all that you wanted to say this morning, no hesitation, come on speak up, don’t think like I am your college teacher”

Trap, pure trap. But what the hell, she wants to hear my heart without the flowers and all that heavy theatricals so why not speak up?

“Prakriti, I mean Maam, you are the most sincere teacher I have even seen in my life”

"Cut the crap and come to the point”

“You know what. Don’t hide your emotions and your beauty behind your discipline and principles. There are bunch of craps who teach far better than you so don t assume that being composed can make you an intellect. And it is not a sin to have feelings on anyone. Let me not lecture you, it is your job not mine. All I say have to say is I love you and I will make a world that you have dreamt of, a world where there are no barriers and passion rules the free mind. I am not those regular guys but I am a man (becoming one) made of self belief and I carry an aggression to achieve the impossible. You are the most beautiful girl I had ever met and you spell a charm on me and make me dreaming about you. I am not a poet so I cannot speak romantically.” While I was speaking my heart she was without any emotions and had a stone face. Our car reached the end of our street and I got scared if she will go and talk to my grandpa and it made me nervous.

She stopped the car and removed her glasses and placed her lips on mine and that made me breathless and nervous. I was startled and drew my lips back but an urge hit me within and I punched her lips with mine. The next few minutes became the most cherished moments of my life. That kiss which was long-awaited was given with an utmost passion and ecstasy. The world around us vanished and I was hugging her tight as strong as my lips were pressing her. I saw her giving up all those worldly barriers and feeling light like a feather. She stopped first and looked away from me and didn’t speak to me for a while. I opened the door silently and walked to my home.

I went into my house and was almost in some dream world and was stopped by my mom. She gave me a book and said Gina asked her to give it to me. It was some “the adventures of Huckleberry Finn”. I took it upstairs and felt a disgrace on Gina on her immaturity.

I had a shower and was still ecstatic of all that happened that evening and came out and again saw the book that Gina had given. With contempt I opened it and saw that she had circled some alphabets on each chapter. I just arranged them in order and I found out the following

There seems to be something special between us. Meet me soon to figure it out.

The Deceptive Mind - Chapter 6

The Deceptive Mind

Chapter 6

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

I had half an hour so I went to the flower store near our college as I wanted to gift her one. I was standing there and was overwhelmed with the so many varieties and then the shopkeeper spoke to me

“Sending someone off at the airport sir?”

“No”

“Birthday of a friend sir?”

“Nah”

“Want someone to get well from the ailment?”

“Bah, don’t you have any better occasion other than such heart-rending ones?”

“Aah! I got it sir, I got it, it is love sir it is love, the loveliest emotion. Your classmate sir?”

“You got the reason right but not the person” I had some blush on my face

“Junior sir?”

“Nah, can’t handle immature”

“I got it sir, this time I got you. Senior sir senior, very excellent …according to times….trendy and class….may I suggest this new breed of flower which is not available anywhere in this city sir….just got this imported ….there is no name to it yet….the scientific name is too confusing sir..but suits your occasion”

“Well what if I say she is my teacher?”

I saw his eyes open wide with half astonishment and half contempt but his goal was to sell flowers so he said “Very daring sir, I tell you very bold, trendsetter….by the way double your age sir ?”

“Why do you poke your nose too much? Show me any good flower which suits a beautiful woman, age doesn’t matter but what she holds in my heart does”

“Special place sir, she holds a special place in your heart. May I suggest this new bunch of turquoise blue tulips, very rare…specially grafted…can’t find in the city”

“How much”

“Wouldn’t cost much sir, just 500 a bunch”

“Good God, you know white ones are 50 a bunch and how come these ones are so expensive?”

“Specially grafted sir,  gardener has to take extreme care….not easily grown…value for money sir and madam will enjoy sir, elderly women like something different, white is regular……but this color is like you, bold and courageous ”

“Fine” I left him with my 500 bucks and a conclusion that I am dating a middle-aged woman; I did that on purpose because if I tell him her age there is no one except Prakriti in our college. That leaves an opportunity for him to draw opinions on her. 

I went to the cafeteria and she was already sitting at a corner. I went to her and extended my hands and offered the flowers. She was already furious and those flowers made her even worse. She hit them on the table and kept her hand on them crushing and spoke at length about my behavior and how she has been tolerant and how she respects my family. She was screaming on my academic performance and wondered why I was finding it hard to concentrate. She termed my feelings towards her as pure infatuation and was no better than a kid crying for TV remote. How sheepish was her analogy? My deep heavy emotions were no better than a child’s rant!. Finally she left with serious deadlines to complete my assignments and attend lab sessions regularly. I was sitting there staring at those crushed petals of tulips.

What a magnificent waste she was? Will she ever come out of those serious thoughts? Who will teach her how to enjoy life? She was so unmoved even after such dedication, sincerity and passion. Who will ever look at that stone face? Let her go to hell with her class.

I left the flowers on the table and went to the basketball court with my face sunk inside. I saw Aron waiting for me and I joined him.

“Civa(that is  my name), I saw you with some tulips, who gave you?”

“Huh, gave? I bought them for 500”

“What? They are not worth more than 50, you were ripped off dude”

“It doesn’t matter now, I am not in a right mood, had to hear some nonsense with Prakriti”

“Take it easy man; you are used to it anyway. Hey, I forgot to mention, I got the info about Gina, that guy whom she was in that park is a total jerk of all times. God knows why she went with him but now no more. It was a short-lived relation and she found the truth about him. “

“Really! Are you serious? You made my day man. I think this is what those spiritual speakers say. What they callit? When God closes a door then opens another, something of that sort. No kidding, so she is all single now.”

“Yep, to the best of my knowledge she is in the right mind to be tapped for a jingle”

He was holding his head high with pride like a sleuth who cracked a mystery. I looked at my watch it was about noon and I knew where she could be. I set my hair and tucked my shirt and was getting ready but was stopped by our guys who just came back from the movie. Kiran started lecturing me for missing the movie and insisted that I join them for lunch and then to the bowling alley. My pleads for letting me go was categorically rejected and looked like they were all upset for my absence. With no choice I obeyed their orders and asked Aron to join me and share more info about Gina.

The Deceptive Mind - Chapter 5

The Deceptive Mind

Chapter 5

This is purely a work of fiction and is not intended for any one dead or alive. Although it has been written in autobiographical style this is no way related to my experiences or a memoir. Since the content is suited for adult, readers discretion is advised

Next morning I wanted to sneak out as quietly as possible but my grandpa was sitting in the hall reading his newspaper. I didn’t speak a word while taking my shoes from the rack and was wearing them and he was following my footsteps and was watching me like those falcons that lock the target.  But I didn’t make an eye contact and left my home and took a deep breath after I crossed few streets.

We have come to a point that I have to tell you about my friends. I had few at college and outside but let me start with my classmates. There was Mohan, Kiran, Lucky and Suresh and by the virtue of being classmates I had special affinity towards them. Generally they were well matured guys and used to take life seriously. Mohan always gives this picture of a huge responsibility on his shoulders and all his future lies in what he does now. Kiran was matured of all, probably because he wanted to be a brotherly figure in the group and was always taking an advisory role whenever a crisis occurred. Lucky was more of my type - flirtatious, energetic and smart. Suresh had a mixture of all our features with a balanced approach. I will tell about these guys by and by when we move forward with the story. All I have to say now is that we used to gather everyday at basketball court and then go to class. All the plans for the day were designed at that place and whenever I had nothing to do I used to be there waiting for anyone to join.

I saw them gathered at the court as usual and I joined them and said “Did you guys do the math assignment? I totally lost on it and I am sure I will have a hell of a time”

Kiran said “You are spared, the math teacher is on a leave and science class too has been postponed. We only have computer class but we are all planning for a movie and declare a holiday here”

Coming to think of it, I mean the computer class it brought Prakriti into my mind. Such a matured girl she was and I think I shouldn’t call her a girl anymore but rather a fine woman. Was she really concerned on my academics or did my taunts paid off. Was there some unknown feeling that was brewing in her that I was unable to realize. Was I naïve to not to notice the changes in her behavior or has she been subtle in her expressions. It is so complex in understanding a woman; though her heart yearns for love her determination can keep her calm like a still water. It was so rewarding to know that I was in her thoughts and I am worthy as to seek her love and make her world a better place. I felt I was deeply missing her and wanted to see her at once, so I went to the staff room.

While I was close to it I heard two low voices. It was of Biology and English teachers. Biology teacher was in his early 40 and had a protruding belly and had a bald head. He used to wear a wrist watch made of steel and had a habit of twisting his wrist to hear the clinking of the metal. Our English teacher was around of the same age and was divorced few years ago. She was charming for her age; I think all the English teachers gave lot of importance to grooming and prefer to look tidy. She too was dressed appropriately to hide her extra flab on her and looked youthful. She had the habit of wearing very tight dress that she had to keep her shoulders straight and stretched, this made her look buxom as her bosom was always held high. Biology teacher was Franklin and she was Lathika.

Franklin was sitting few feet away from her and when he noticed that there was no one in the staff room he pulled the chair couple of feet closer and murmured something to her. It must have been something dirty and she was blushing and he moved his chair still further. While she was still giggling on his jokes he held her hand and put an arm around her and pulled her closer. I got so nervous that I just wanted to flee from that place and swiftly turned to run and bumped into Prakriti at the entrance. I was trembling with fear and embarrassment while I was standing close to her. I saw her deep brown eyes looking at me and she was surprised see me. She didn’t look upset or sore on me but rather puzzled. Without a word I left that place and ran towards the court.

There my friends were all ready to go for a movie and Lucky was flashing the tickets, Kiran got his car and waved at me to come in. Mohan as usual told them that the budget allocated for this event was 200 bucks and he doesn’t intend to spend a penny more. Suresh was having his smoke before stepping into the car. I went to them and said I was summoned at the principal’s office and I can’t make it for the movie. All were screaming and swearing at the principal but I convinced them to keep calm and go for the movie. I promised to join them at the bowling alley after their movie. I wasn’t interested in that movie anyway, they were going for this war movie where they show gunfire for almost 90 minutes and occasional romance between the sergeant and army doctor, the sergeant goes for the war and later the doctor gets the news that he was killed in cross fire. And she remains as a spinster for the rest of her life. What a tragedy and we have to pay to watch such movies. I mean, can’t she just find another guy, the sergeant is dead and it is not like he ditched or something.

The real reason for not going to the movie was I wanted to meet Prakriti and apologize. It was the best time when no one was around and I can just say sorry and vanish. How matured and how considerate she was that I haven’t seen such a woman in my class or in our staff. I know she likes me and has a soft corner for me and that is why she has been so eager to make me right and probably she will find pride when she makes me a complete man. She deserves that sorry from me and it should bring truce and start a new chapter in our relation.

I was so scared to peep into that staff room; earlier incident was so dreadful and couldn’t imagine how embarrassing it might have been for all three of them. Nevertheless, I got courage to step at the door. What I saw was Ms.Lathika was sitting next to Prakriti and was flaunting all her new jewelry and on the other corner Franklin was correcting the answer sheets of Biology test that happened recently.

“Lo and Behold, your menace is here” said Franklin. 

Lathika just hid her jewelry in her blouse as if she was stuffing everything into a box and went to her table and was eyeing what Franklin was doing. He was making his watch to clink and probably it meant that he wanted to meet her outside so she walked out of the room and he too left in no time.

It made me more nervous to find myself in a room only with Prakriti, it was so strange and scary. I went close to her and it surprised me to see that she was not wearing glasses and her attire too was different. She was really looking like a college girl who should be sitting in our class next to me. She was wearing some long ear rings that were dancing every time she moved. I stood by her table and saw she was wearing a perfectly fit dress and looking gorgeous.

When my faculties are challenged and when I feel that I have been cornered or when I might be facing a failure, I evoke my courage and test its limits and restore my confidence and strength. That moment when I was at her desk it was important for me to have a smooth traction between us that keeps pulling her towards me. The motive doesn’t end at an apology but to embark on a wonderful relation that should transform from what we were to what we could be.  So more than a sorry it will be coffee than can make wonders.

With a determined voice I said “Prakriti, thanks for coming to my home, grandpa was very happy to see you. I was just thinking if we could go for a coffee and have a small talk. I think we need to settle few things” That recitation was done without a pause or intonation and later I was breathing heavily.

“I don’t want to come to your regular coffee shops that you take Gina and the rest of the girls to….I know how they are ridiculed. I can come to our college cafeteria and I too have something to talk to you”

“Excellent, that will be fine; I will see you in half an hour there. By the way you are looking gorgeous, I know you will get mad at me but can’t stop complimenting” I was almost at the exit door and before I lost sight of her I saw her countenance change from a serious one to blushing.